Thursday, October 4, 2007

Niseeb! Part 1

I decided to write this post after I read a recent Shosho’s Corner post titled Women & Age. She described women in the Arab World as if they are born with an expiry date. When I came to comment about the post, my comment was too long and so I decided to rant about it. This topic is so important to me, even though I don’t want it to be!

I wrote:“Why is it that we have an expiry date, whereas men have the longest shelf life ever?”
Women who approach their 30’s and the ones who pass the big 3-0 are categorized as “3anis” or the English version “spinster”. And of course once you pass 35, its like your world is doomed, and you will never find happiness ever! How tragic.

What the hell? Isn’t it better to be single and happy than married and miserable? I’m not saying that marriage is Dooms-Ville, but it’s also not always the best idea. Tradition dictates that girls should be rushed into marriage so that they are protected by a man, and saved from doing “wrong things”. Men, however, can marry whenever they want; even when they’re old, saggy and toothless.

I don’t want to be trapped in a loveless marriage just because it is more socially acceptable than being single and living with my parents.

I’m in my early 20’s, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked “Why aren’t you married yet??” by the elder women in my family.

Case 1:
Auntie F: Oooh Lady, You beautiful girl! You look lovely! Where are the men, ha?? Why cant they see such a darling girl?? I don’t know why you are still unmarried (in her words: “lail7een ga3da”)!
“Umm.. hello?? Do I look like a guy? Am I the one who proposes? No! So don’t ask!”

Case 2:
Auntie M: God bless you, my dear. And may He give you a good man to take care of you. I hope you don’t turn out to have the “bad-luck” of your mother’s great aunties. Oh, such bad luck with husbands!
*Blink. Blink.* “How encouraging”

Sometimes, I wish I was in India. I would have been married a loooooooong time ago. I would have proposed to every freakin’ guy I wanted! (Because the woman proposes in most Indian customs)

But I’m here, in Kuwait, where I must wait until I get the “best” offer from the “best” guy.

This lady’s guy is lucky if he even gets this lady!

(To be continued..)


Hasan.B said...

"Isn’t it better to be single and happy than married and miserable?"

Yes it is

This Lady Says said...

Exactly. The word HAPPY says it all.

Btw, I'm not anti-marriage! I'm just anti-unhappy marriages.

N. said...

I agree with being against the unhappy marriage part. Culture puts an expiry date on women, and thats how it is really. Honestly though, that's really wrong. This seems to have happened because in the older days it was easier to get married younger, now it is not as easy.

Nada said...


I'm a Lord who needs a Lady XD

Lord Nutty

Noufa said...

I don't get why in this culture a women are in need for a man to feel complete, happy, and safe!
if you like you said you pass thirty or even less you are spinster and a burden to your family! it sucks

Society imposes that idea on us but some of us do truly believe it!

New Bride said...

ambeeh this is kuwait and these things will never end guess what when got married last year i was 25 o yes i ve been throght all that but guess what old women r telling me : 7emlaay bsr3aa tra enta tezawajtay kbeeera !!! what ???? ana my plan was to not get married b4 28 bas 9arat chthee oooof ma nkhale9 al7een el7anaa yalaha 7emlay o 7emlay ooof

This Lady Says said...

yeah that's what bothers me. the pressure they put on you. Really, i'm happy being single! There's still so much I can do.
And I want to get married. Just NOT NOW.
New Bride : Allah i3eenich! I dont want someone nagging me to get pregnant. I want to live with my husband alone for a while to get to know each other more. Who needs more responsibility? When the time is right, u should definitely consider kids. But I wouldnt want one at the beginning of our marriage.

This Lady Says said...

Oh, I just realized I got a proposal!


I accept! LOL!

Marzouq said...

It is something which is difficult to unwind in our society. Its sad but true, the way they have things setup is that they want people to get married as soon as possible. It OTHER people's goals imposed on you which is really sad.

But for those who did and are married they are better off living away from Kuwait for a bit. I have seen it a lot, some of the couples that have gotten married and lived in the UK, US, UAE, Bahrain, or somewhere else for a bit tend to be closer together and without getting pressured from the outside to do anything. That is what I have liked seeing, I like seeing close couples and when they are on their own they have no one to depend on but each other. So I think thats a healthy thing. Just a different perspective.

On another note, I tend to find some older women attractive because of their maturity and the way they carry themselves. And a lot facts point out women don't come into their prime except in their late 20s and early 30s!

This Lady Says said...

Definitely. With age comes maturity (which so many newlyweds lack these days)

My parents got married in their late 20's. By that time, my dad was independent, stable in his job, and my mom wasnt a needy youngster. She was a mature lady. Their relationship is a guideline for me.

Deema said...

hm yes ... but i am more asked: "when r you graduating" a thousand time a day!

and about the loveless marriage, here is a nice movie to watch:
"The Painted Veil"

:) older people like to rush things up, maybe to catch up with all the events they wish to see :D

Anonymous said...

Nice post.

I say do what you have to do to live happy, by your rules not
Forced social rules.

Darabeel said...

Why the hell do they consider a girl that is in here mid 20 to 30 as 3anis, I hate this word, they reason for zawaj 3alah i3jilah , and then you end up with an unhappy couple that may be at the brick of divorce, and when a girl gets married no matter to who " doodat-hom " tabrid. I don't know what's up with this society but god help you girls.

This Lady Says said...

I know! Its annoying! No one in my family got married at an early age. So there's no pressure there.

But when it comes to the older women relatives, Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

chikapappi said...

Read my post :) I have a solution!

Anonymous said...

mmmm I am too lost with my self to comment here...but staying single os not a bad idea...I wouldnt mind doing that after my experience..

3baid said...

Don't worry, they're always like that :P

Anonymous said...

I just saw this post, I really love it. It's exactly what I always say. Sometimes you are better off alone than with a man who makes your life hell!! Some people might think, "Ok at least you have kids" but what kids would be happy in such an unhealthy environment?
I am no expert but I know one thing: Marriage has to worked on, true, BUT if you are not happy, then trying to make it work just delays the inevitable, not saving the marriage. Yes happiness is the key.

New Bride that sucks, even if you have one child they keep saying, come one the next one before you get too old! Lol it's like a marathon running or something lool. Look at Geena Davis she is fifty something and her kids are toddlers!

khalid said...

Typical girls' thoughts :) it reminds of the saying "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die"
Everybody wants happiness regardless of their social status, for that matter. No one can be sure that they will be ALWAYS happy when they get married, and no one should expect to be always happy. Happiness would be meaningless if it wasn't punctuated with some difficult moments. It's important to think ahead and see how life is going to be when it's too late to go back and change your past decisions. Life will be really difficult if one is old and lonely too. Don't be too picky when someone falls in love with you!
Nice blog, Keep it up :)